Life is a game of sudden death.

Every breath that finds its way out of the system could be the last. It's easy and comfortable for us to waste every second that we have, confident that we'll get several more, little do we know that each of it could be the last that is on the lease for us. Things that we enjoy right now are in contract, all bounded with an expiration date, the catch is that we don't have the slightest idea of when the contract is terminated. 

This fact could divide the preference of lifestyle of a person, one could live as if every second is his last or one could live with calculated risks and a premeditated future. A careless soul would wander and never settle, his philosophy in life would be that everything is temperamental, he could pretend to be naive and oblivious of what tomorrow could bring, life happens right at the moment, just as every word is read in this post, every action isn't taken into so much consideration, less apprehensions, just as how it presents itself is just as how it's taken, no explanations necessary, no justification of actions and no worries. He would jump at every given opportunity, grab it like it'll never pass the same road again or he would just let it pass because he's found his attraction on something that has enticed him prior to that, or he would try to juggle both, making everything fit into whatever his hands could hold. He's the type of person who would go with strangers, though with a hint of fear or doubt, he would set it aside believing that the people he comes across with will bring him to where he's supposed to be, after all he believes that life doesn't exist to run around circles, rather it's a journey that has a beginning and an end.

A life lived according to how things are written on a planner is a life that does not go beyond the pages of the planner. Everything begins and ends according to how they're written, how they're planned, how they're being put into order. Decisions are made with a lot of thinking and second thinking and probably a third one more to convince the person of the validity of the choice. An opportunity that passes by is pondered upon, so what happens is that the opportunity fleets or the opportunity doesn't fit the necessity anymore. The tediousness of this yields to a more secure and anticipated future, it could give a glimpse of possibilities and ramifications that caution the person. He most likely knows how to prioritize and give weight to things, one at a time, he knows how to divide the ample amount of time and effort because he somehow tries to figure things out ahead. Life is a journey and his planner is his map. 

At the end of the day, life will be life, it preys on us, it surprises us, it'll always give us unprecedented things, it's unpredictable, and no matter how you try to prepare yourself fo it, life happens and when it does there's no escaping. We are all bounded within this game, no one can just quit, not when life tells us it's the end.

Inhaling the dusty wind that the airconditioner blows, a cup of coffee on my left, the rain that beautifully meshes with a Coldplay song on the background, I have all the thoughts running on the loose inside my brains. The usual random, incoherent, fragmented thoughts of the past, of today and the apprehended ones of the future. I sift through them, taking only those that's important, as of the moment, and I have chosen the thoughts of the present.

It dwindles, it winds in a path of the uncertain, it could take me back to my past or project me to my blurred future. As I sit here I remember the memories that took place, discriminating the most memorable ones from those that I try to discard eternally. Feeling stuck in the moment, I recover those thoughts that have contributed in forming who I am, and then the questions are somehow answered. They may be unclear, but on one side of my mind, they're answered though the the other side seems unconvinced of the justifications. Where I am now, I am certain it's where I'm supposed to be. Nothing may seem to happen, nothing may seem insignificant nor nothing takes place that could go down in my record, but this sure is part of what's about to happen. 

The day is young, though the look of the weather may confuse it, and today's enthusiasm may be drowned by the rain, everything will all work together to turn this day into how it's tailored to be. 

I am selfish. I want you to fight for me, I want you to give up something for me, I want you to want me so bad. I won't be sorry if I ask too much, I do believe I deserve it, if you're not up for it, you just don't deserve me. I am not a figurine you just pick up when you have nothing left. I am your only option. Just me. So if you mean what you said, man up and fight for me. Don't be a douche and make an excuse that you're being sensitive, no you're not, you're a coward afraid to lose something. Now I'm telling you, you will never have me. Never.

You just don't know how much I miss you, how jealous I get when you give more attention and love to someone than you do to me. I'm sorry if I blurt out words that just come out like vomit, I can't hold them back. Not now, not when my emotions are heightened by anger. I'm sorry. The truth is, I miss you.

I know I'm not stupid, I only did it to let you know how much I hate this situation where we are now. I hope you could read behind the things that you see, and I hope your narrow mind would open a little space for understanding. It's not too much to ask of you, I know, but it's unlikely to happen. I know how your very murky thoughts work well for you to think of others in a very lowly and degrading manner. Sometimes when I think of how you could be so rigid with the things that you couldn't change nor comprehend, I am grateful that I am not like you. I may be the worst for you right now, you may have lost your hope in fixing me, but I assure you, this is just a phase I'm going through, you don't have to be a part of it, actually I don;t want to drag you in. When I make it through this rough patch, when I can prove myself to you, I'd only want you to see how good I will turn out to be, that I will assure you, and when that day happens, I can say that I owe a little from you, but don't think that I will never be grateful because the truth is, this part is that part where as much as possible I want you out of, but the rest, you're one big factor of who I was and who I will be, but at the moment, I know that you want me out of your life, out of your supervision, out of your responsibility. You don't have to look so mean and say that bluntly right on my face, don't worry, I know how to read clues and I am not so naive to think that we will soon be okay. I'm somehow contented that we act civilized people, no love, no nothing else, just living the roles we're bound to fill in, even if we both know that we're both so sick of each other. Your silence may be torture, but now I'd prefer that the coldness we both feel for each other would stay as discreet as it is, because hearing you once again, I can only remember how you can be so dementing and torturing with your words, I forgot that  your words are like knives that don't stab you right away, they scar little by little, building up pain. You torture me little by little, and each attempt, you do it so well. 

When the cold wind blows, and when your emotions blur your thoughts, the hazy amalgam of the two makes it so hard to distinguish the facts from pure emotions, and when the two blend and make a strong manifestation of what you really want and need, when needs and wants merge and become an irresistible one, when things start to make sense, you can't just reject them. When you can no longer question nor argue with what the mind and heart dictate, you resolve that you can object no more.

Objectivity is what rational people strive for, it's an endeavor that needs to cut the emotional strings. It is a struggle to let your mind take over your heart, but when emotions get tricky and start to steer your life, and you might end up dealing with bigger emotionally motivated problems, it's best to let your mind decide. But, when a decision is made without a heart, how can you be affirmed that it's the best? You won't know if it's right or wrong if it won't make you happy or regret, and you'll end up running in circles, always confronted by the same problem because a decision made without a heart is not a decision at all, it is a pitfall of the stoics.

Fix me.

It us my closet shouting at me, trying to catch my fleeting attention. I've written that down in my mental list of things to be done. I've been eager to do that, but the tediousness of that work seems to put off my interest. Maybe when there's nothing left for me to do, or maybe when it's the only thing left to do, I'd start to fold those dumped clothes in it and fix it.

My mom starts to blurt non-sensical, blight hurtful words again. This early, 8:46 am, that's the sound you wake up to in this house.

Maybe it's not my closet that needs to be fixed, maybe something else requires immediate diagnosis of behavior. It could be me, it could be my mom, but definitely not my closet.

The four year journey ends seven months from now.

This is our very last recollection together as a class. For the past three years, every recollection was just treated as another break from the humdrum of school, an excuse to sleep and be dismissed early. Never was a recollection considered as something that is of great importance in the activities lined up for the whole year aside from the aforementioned reasons that make it something to look forward to. Apathy was not an issue, but the effectiveness of the activity and the presence and guidance of the facilitator contribute a lot in making this activity a fruitful and effective one to the students. Maybe we didn't offer much of our hearts and minds to it, because for us, recollection was just another recycled activity since elementary that we've all grown with.

It is different this time around. Though there wasn't an obvious trace of eagerness on our faces in the morning that day, deep inside us, we were hoping that somehow, this time it would be different, that this time it will hit us hard and affect us in a way or another, something that would culminate and aggregate all of our experiences together as a class, hoping that this will be an instrument to patch things up, and to be able to work with people that we've created distance with for three years, people whom we've not spent enough time with, people whom we've judged, and people whom we've thought we'd never get along with, maybe this time this recollection will address these things that have remained sublimed and hidden within us.

True enough, it gave us the time to be able to affirm one another with our possessed goodness and admirable qualities, it was the time to speak up about how we really feel, to express these pent up emotions that were kept and were waiting for the right time to explode, to ask for forgiveness from people we've burned bridges with, and to just reconnect with people we've lost intimate contact with while we were busy exploring our lives as individuals. It was also the time to reminisce the extreme heights and extremes lows that we've been through as a class, a time to congratulate everyone for reaching this recollection, a few steps away from the journey's end, and a time to give ourselves a tap on our shoulders for all the job well done. A class as dynamic as ours, we are like heated molecules expanding and bumping on each other as that heat ignites the fervor in our hearts to be competitive and be excellent. There was competition, a healthy one, something that motivates each and everyone to do well, a kind of competition that does not aim for a sole person's success, rather it encourages to release the innate best that each of us possesses, it is a kind of competition where your competitors would extend a hand to help you succeed, so that no one gets left behind. We are a breed of eclectic and varied individuals that meshes and blends perfectly. We do not overpower each other, we complement whatever one lacks, and we compliment things that one has achieved through hard work.

Almost four long years of journey, the very first day we stepped into the institution we were all apprehended of the uncertainty that awaited us, young, vulnerable and skeptical, we've grown to be independent workers who were unified by our differences. We were once strangers, aloof and afraid of one another, anxious and uncertain of where we were going, but as the ride began to take us to where we were heading, we became each other's companion, each other's direction, and in the journey there was One who steered the wheel, the omniscient Who knew all along where we are destined to be.

This journey that have threatened us with the baffling circumstances that fortified our trust with one another. Invaluable values and knowledge that were inculcated in our hearts and minds by the institution acted as our guides during the journey, they were the baggages that we will all carry when we reach on our destination and embark on yet another journey. We will all be treading forked paths, but one thing will hold us together, the journey that we all shared.

Boracay 2011

This post has been in the "baul" for a very long time already and it is but timely that I finally take it out from there and let it be on its rightful spot in this blog. 

Boracay is the most generic and talk-of-the-mouth summer destination not only by Filipinos but of foreigners who enjoy basking themselves in the sun, frolicking in the water, soaking their feet in the sands and be one with nature, be in connection with themselves and escape from the hustle and bustle of their metropolitan lives and get zoned out from the stress of work and responsibilities. Summer is that season of the year that serves as a good excuse to bum and get lazy and take advantage of that excuse to go a little outside of the limits and enjoy the extreme and extensive possibilities the season has to offer.

It was another of my rebellious and unwarranted trips, May 22, 2011 Nelson and I whisked ourselves to this crowded yet definitely lively place of Boracay. The white sand and cool blue waters toying in my imagination skyrocketed the anticipation of finally stepping into the island. We just couldn't wait to get there. The trip was quite long but bearably uncomfortable, the excitement just kept on growing in our hearts.

(It strikes me that while writing this post, the feelings of excitement are as high and as fresh as how it was going there. That trip must be really remarkable and unforgettable.)

What makes a trip remarkable and unforgettable?

The sceneries

Boracay has preserved its breathtaking sunsets. The only natural feature that has remained untainted and unharmed by human hands, unfortunately. It's sad that the waters are now reported to be very unsanitary because of the mixing of toilet wastes due to improper waste management and control of waste excretions. The sands are also threatened by people who take home some for souvenirs. The virginity of the island has been destroyed and the foliage, replaced by concrete structures that masks the careless lifestyle of the inhabitants. Nevertheless, though in its thriving survival, Boracay still offers its majestic sceneries that breathes life to the tired and perished souls of the travelers.

The blue and white "paraws" bends well with the skies and waters.

I caught this sight of a couple taking a picture by the majestic sunset.
It could be their first honeymoon, or maybe second, or third, who knows.

Skim boarders lined the shores late in the afternoon, exhibiting their skills,
but this chick really awed me. 

The serene and less crowded side of the island.

A wedding about to take place by the beach. I've always dreamed of one.

The Activities and Adventures


Boredom is never a word in this island with the many activities that are available to tourists, from island hopping, helmet diving, snorkeling, parasailing, banana boat ride, fly fish, wall climbing, to shopping and partying, the island never runs out. All you have to have is enough money to be able to try all these, and as for me, well I tried to enjoy myself with the free and affordable ones to extend the life of my money during my stay. Maybe when I come back next time, I'd be able to try everything until I turn my intestines inside out.

World class fire dancers igniting the night and keeping the audience on fire. 

Of course, the endless swimming.

Been dying to do wall climbing as inspired by my cousin Dan.

See how happy I am to make it to the bottom alive?

Those beautifully made sand sculptures are done by these kids. Talent and creativity. :)
So next time you see one, don't be a scrooge, give a little extra. 

And for a change, I paid them and I carved their names on the sand instead.

The Accommodation


If there is one word that will best describe us during our stay, it would be lucky. We were lucky to be accommodated by my mom's friend in this classy and expensive hotel, that I swear I would not be able to afford. The place had a minimalist and modern take on its facade, and the neutral colors made it so cozy and homy, plus the people there were very friendly, nice and accommodating, giving service with a smile. Their staff and crew were very warm and I commend them for doing their jobs with enthusiasm.

The inviting beds of our room at Astoria Boracay.

I want my house to look as simple and as sleek as this.

Spent mos of the afternoons here, lazing around if not walking.

The Food

A trip wouldn't be complete with an empty stomach, and to be able to store energy for the activities that awaits every journey, one has to stock on food to keep going, and what better thing to do during a trip is to scour for places that serve good food, for a very cheap price, and of course to treat yourself with yourself a happy food or pick-me-upper food after a looong day. Though I still wish to eat at those expensive restaurants, here were some of the places I settled for while on a budget. 

CREPES! Need I say more? 

Who's hungry now?

Pancake House's menu list made me feel like a giddy kid again.

I forgot the name of this place with a very interesting wall. :)

This is a hidden place that has the best lechon kawali. 

Happy food. :))

More happy food.

My every Bora trip staple food, Isaw. :))

The People


In every trip, there will always be people you come across and get engaged with, whether in a small conversation during a ride, a friendly staff, a funny waiter, a kind vendor that lets you haggle to the extreme, or that annoyingly charming kid you won't be able to resist, or that stranger who smiles at you, accompanies you for a walk and will be your friend forever, or maybe you'll bump into a famous artist, who knows who you meet? and of course that one person who tolerates your craziness and shares with you every laughter of the trip, walks with you until you tire your feet and takes snaps of you while you enjoy every single moment.

The unprecedented moments that you share with these people make a lot of difference in your trip. These people are the ones you will forever have a memory with, though you may not know their name nor hear anything about them in the future, one thing's for sure, they made your trip memorable.

PBA players and their coach. Geez... I forgot their names.

Whitney. :)

Our hands wrinkled after soaking in the pool. 

Gian, one of the young sand artists.

Sheryl.

Reggie, me, Nelson, Sheryl, Mike.

This douche made my Bora 2011. 

This could pass for a sumer fling. lol

And that goodbye...

And of course... Thank you to my twin, Nelson for making this trip unforgettable. This surely goes down the books.

Forgive my vanity, but I want to post some of my snaps during the trip.

Long gown ang ganap.

Mabenta ang hang loose.

Next year, it'll be another adventure.