Star-lit gloomy skies

-my brother NJ and mom having photo op :)-

The rain has finally stopped pouring after days of restless downpour, and I'm so glad about it that I won't have to have my feet soaked again as I walk myself home on the village's concrete grounds. It was a bit chilly, my exposed toes were clammy while the wind continues to blow, grateful I wore my black jacket to somehow keep me warm. It was dark and I passed by some "tambays" probably some builders/carpenters spending their night's rest talking with their co-workers over bottles of gin, which made me feel scared. I continued walking, and when I reached the point where the street felt empty with nothing on it but me, I was struck by a melancholic feeling that triggered my longing for one person, my mom.

We're not talking for almost roughly 6 months and counting. All communication lines were cut between us, no talking at all which is ironic since we're living under one roof. We've been avoiding each other and it simply crushes my heart because I miss her badly, I want to hug her again, I want to tell her that I'm not doing well, that I can't afford to disappoint her again. I miss how we used to stay up late, eating junk food while talking about my crushes and her childhood, I miss how we would laugh about the silliest things, I miss how she would critique what I wear, I miss how she would ask me to tie the ribbon of her dress, I miss when she asks me to pluck her underarms, I miss how she hugs me tight at night when I get scared even though i'm this old already, I miss how she would move aside at night when I knock on her door and sleep on her bed, I miss how she would put on the blanket when I feel cold thinking I'm already asleep, I miss how she held my hand and how her presence eases me. I miss my mom, and my best friend.

I can't help but cry every single time I think about this, no matter how I pretend to be strong and naive, inside me, I feel so empty and devastated, longing for my mom hen I know she's just within my reach but I just couldn't touch her.

:(

<3>

and the rain never stopped

Monday, 102809

It's a gloomy Monday just right after the rain has subsided, it was not just any ordinary rain but it was caused by a storm named Ondoy who struck the Luzon areas for the past few days and has greatly devastated properties and interrupted the normal lives of the people and has turn Luzon into a large water basin.

I woke up to my feet wet this morning after leaving the window opened last night. My toes were freezing and my body felt really groggy and my eyes were chinked at the first ray of light. The wind seeped through the small slits of my sliding glass and found its way to give me chills. It's no ordinary Monday knowing that some people out there have lost their homes to the ravishing flood, knowing that they could barely eat, knowing that after the storm all that is left to them is their gratitude to God for surviving such calamity.

I turn to myself, asking whether I did anything to be of help to these people, whether I did anything to ease their suffering, whether I did my role as their fellow Filipino, whether I did my role as a human being. Help was constantly delivered to them to temporarily aid them at the moment, but after this what's gonna happen to them?

How can I help? How can we help?

Here's a line from the movie Surrogates, I don't know if I'll get this right but it sounded like, "The moment we stop fighting for each other, that's the time we lose our humanity."

Let's fight against the calamity and show that we can survive the devastation it has brought to us because we are one and united Filipinos. Let us pray for the safety of those who are in Luzon and others who are gravely affected by the typhoon.