Underlying Truths of a Joke Hurts

It started out as a joke. Funny and far from any serious note. It wouldn't however end as funny as how it started.

When I get caught in a situation with someone and when the mood seems full of tension and awkwardness, my emergency 101 escape solution is to laugh it off and it works all the time. How? I laugh at simple reasons, simple words, simple gestures. It breaks off the ice and fans the dead air away. Well those people should have known the jitters I have. I so dread it so to lighten up the mood, I always come up with the corniest jokes, the most horrible ones you could heard from your lolos and lolas from long ago. It's something good, and it really helps but making people so used to it and sometimes it conceals what you really mean to say.

When someone tells you that he likes you and from the way you knew the person, he's the type who could pull off a prank with you because he knows you could still forgive him at the end. Would you believe him or would you just laugh it off the way you did when he cracked the lousiest joke? I just laughed and I didn't buy it. It's not something to be taken so seriously, and I don't want to end up being victimized by his being a smart-ass. Taking it from there, he starts dropping hints and plays around with his words. Would you buy that? Still I didn't. I just don't want to fall for his tricks. I thought i could outwit his schemes, I'm never gonna let him make me his prey.

Then, after trying to build up my pride and after trying to protect myself from his betraying jokes, I was caught letting my guard down. i was just so gullible to have somehow bite into him. I couldn't blame him.

He asked me to try not to fall for him. His warning came too late because i already have and I already am. I was hoping that he was just kidding like he always used to do. I asked him whether he was serious about it, I was making sure he wasn't pulling off another trick on me. Then an irritating "I think so" came from him. None between the yes or no I made him to choose from. I asked him again, and this time I waited for his reply with prolonged patience and this time i was hoping he would say no. To retract what he said and instead say he was just joking. This time I wanted him to say he was joking, it has to be a joke, it must be. He must not be serious when he said that.

I have fallen for him if he only knew. If I was only honest enough to say that i was and I am instead of a feign "I'm holding on to no." I have already lost my grip and I am in love with him. But now, he isn't. I should've believed him when he said he wants us to be together when he gets back. But I think he's not coming back because he has given up when I took what he said as a stupid joke.

Maybe the joke wasn't stupid at all. Maybe I was the one who's stupid to not believe him.

I should've trusted myself when I used to believe that in every joke lies a certain truth. -030710