Star-lit gloomy skies

-my brother NJ and mom having photo op :)-

The rain has finally stopped pouring after days of restless downpour, and I'm so glad about it that I won't have to have my feet soaked again as I walk myself home on the village's concrete grounds. It was a bit chilly, my exposed toes were clammy while the wind continues to blow, grateful I wore my black jacket to somehow keep me warm. It was dark and I passed by some "tambays" probably some builders/carpenters spending their night's rest talking with their co-workers over bottles of gin, which made me feel scared. I continued walking, and when I reached the point where the street felt empty with nothing on it but me, I was struck by a melancholic feeling that triggered my longing for one person, my mom.

We're not talking for almost roughly 6 months and counting. All communication lines were cut between us, no talking at all which is ironic since we're living under one roof. We've been avoiding each other and it simply crushes my heart because I miss her badly, I want to hug her again, I want to tell her that I'm not doing well, that I can't afford to disappoint her again. I miss how we used to stay up late, eating junk food while talking about my crushes and her childhood, I miss how we would laugh about the silliest things, I miss how she would critique what I wear, I miss how she would ask me to tie the ribbon of her dress, I miss when she asks me to pluck her underarms, I miss how she hugs me tight at night when I get scared even though i'm this old already, I miss how she would move aside at night when I knock on her door and sleep on her bed, I miss how she would put on the blanket when I feel cold thinking I'm already asleep, I miss how she held my hand and how her presence eases me. I miss my mom, and my best friend.

I can't help but cry every single time I think about this, no matter how I pretend to be strong and naive, inside me, I feel so empty and devastated, longing for my mom hen I know she's just within my reach but I just couldn't touch her.

:(

<3>