nadine jensen

I know I'm not stupid, I only did it to let you know how much I hate this situation where we are now. I hope you could read behind the things that you see, and I hope your narrow mind would open a little space for understanding. It's not too much to ask of you, I know, but it's unlikely to happen. I know how your very murky thoughts work well for you to think of others in a very lowly and degrading manner. Sometimes when I think of how you could be so rigid with the things that you couldn't change nor comprehend, I am grateful that I am not like you. I may be the worst for you right now, you may have lost your hope in fixing me, but I assure you, this is just a phase I'm going through, you don't have to be a part of it, actually I don;t want to drag you in. When I make it through this rough patch, when I can prove myself to you, I'd only want you to see how good I will turn out to be, that I will assure you, and when that day happens, I can say that I owe a little from you, but don't think that I will never be grateful because the truth is, this part is that part where as much as possible I want you out of, but the rest, you're one big factor of who I was and who I will be, but at the moment, I know that you want me out of your life, out of your supervision, out of your responsibility. You don't have to look so mean and say that bluntly right on my face, don't worry, I know how to read clues and I am not so naive to think that we will soon be okay. I'm somehow contented that we act civilized people, no love, no nothing else, just living the roles we're bound to fill in, even if we both know that we're both so sick of each other. Your silence may be torture, but now I'd prefer that the coldness we both feel for each other would stay as discreet as it is, because hearing you once again, I can only remember how you can be so dementing and torturing with your words, I forgot that  your words are like knives that don't stab you right away, they scar little by little, building up pain. You torture me little by little, and each attempt, you do it so well.