Another Word Vomit

The planetary energy might find you responding to a sudden sense of inspiration that arouses your creativity. You may feel an unexpected urge to write, paint, draw, or compose some music. You may want to sequester yourself, which could cause some problems with friends and family members who want to be with you. Don't ignore this impetus, Pisces. As you know, inspiration can vanish as quickly as it comes.-Daily horoscope for Pisces


I know this is a sacrilege to my religion, a concrete sign of how unfaithful I am to my religion. Others may refer to it as blasphemous to believe in something else like sorcery, magic, witchcraft and horoscope aside from God. I don't want to talk about faith, religion, or any other religious denominations. The point here is, this horoscope actually verbalized how I'm feeling right now, right on the dot, bulls eye! I've been having this urge to write lately, but I just can't find time to sit and let my thoughts flow incessantly. My thoughts have been scattered everywhere like an egg thrown and splattered all over. The thought that this semester's over in a matter of week and my precarious academic performance gives me this ambiguity. I'm excited but I'm jaded. I've been guilty of being substandard in the execution of my role as a student. I can't help but compare myself to how I was and how I am now and see that there's this vast contrast. This is just one of the thousand things that cloud my thoughts.


I am detached. I have lost touch with my emotions. I react because it feels obligatory, not because it's spontaneous. Every move is gauged. I lack the capacity to actually feel right now. The strongest emotions I have recently felt were brought about by some movies I've watched and recounting certain events in the past involving my grandmother who passed away 3 years ago. Those things do not involve events that are happening in real time. Those emotions were metaphysically evoked. Being impassive could be a good and bad thing. I have learned to hold my emotions back, stopped myself from breaking down after our paper work was rejected by our professor. It haunted me for nights, it was trying to gnaw on my feelings, trying to creep its way into my guts and eat out the little strength I'm holding on to before I let all hell break loose. But I was able to hold it up. Instead of cringing in one corner and sulk into tears, I chose to square my shoulders and face the consequence of another case of my irresponsibility. I choose not to talk about it and stress the whole thing, cause the damage has been done and it's irrevocable. It's pointless to fight for something that begins with a losing end. When tough times like this happen, you always have a choice. Be a sissy or face life hard-core.


I am fully aware that this semester will haunt me. I've lived a haunted life. I battled some, others just got tired of running after me and died their natural death. If you allow yourself to be consumed with all the crap that life's gonna throw on you, well be prepared to find yourself down in the dumps. Life gives a lot of shit. Take all that you can take, then dust yourself off. After everything, it's still you. You know that you can come out of it, polished and brand new. That's the beauty of it. You take on all the dirt and see yourself in the most horrid way, decide to clean yourself up, and find yourself good as new or even better. It's how you look at life and react to it. You're not the only one feeling cursed, but you can be the only one who will feel blessed enough if you know what to make out of everything, both out of the good and out of the bad.


I told you there's no coherence in my thoughts right now. hahaha! :))