Not Like the Movies

Nj and I singing at the backseat of the car with mama and papa on the front seats, thing I will miss the most :>

Three hours ago, I held on to a good memory of a happy family. That was three hours ago. Now there's nothing to hold on to, cause what was a strong and mighty bond is now just but a thread, so stretched it could break anytime.

No matter how hard you try to be deaf and blind about things, they will always find a way to get on you. Even if you pretend that things are kept in control, they will always break loose. And before you know it, before you could even prepare for it, it already has caught you defeated. There's no escape to it but to face the fact that whatever that is being kept sublime and ignored has resurfaced, and the longer that it has been kept and suppressed the worse it has become.

It was horrible. It didn't look new to me, in fact it looked familiar, but that sight, I tried to keep it buried in my thoughts hoping they will never come back to life again. I almost have forgotten how it looked until a while ago. And just like a monster, it roared on my face about fang on me and eat me whole. If it was just me, I will just let it consume me, but my brother, right in front of it to, witnessing how monstrous that whole sight was, snapped me out of it. In that situation neither of them was concerned enough of my brother, each was taken control of their suppressed anger, blinded by their own prejudices, numbed by their hate and torn apart by their resistance to listen. I've been through a more than a couple of it. I saw it when I was younger, weaker and innocent. I had no one to run to, I couldn't even make a choice nor was I capable of making one. I didn't know who to talk to, who side with and who to believe. I can't remember how it was fixed, how the monsters in them was chained, but it was fixed. I prayed that it won't awaken again, that that monster will fall in deep slumber and forget to wake up again. Until now.

I should've seen it coming, the signs were obvious and warning me that it's not far from happening again.

Things will be a lot easier for all of us if we don't have to consider my brother. I'm old, maybe capable and fit to be off alone, but my brother is too young and too attached to make a choice. I just can't imagine how embarrassing, excruciating and degrading for him to face people, his classmates, his friends if he would have to go through a situation we are avoiding. It would scar him for the rest of his life, it would even cause him to nurture hatred in his heart, and he's just too nice and loving to even create an alter ego that might transform him into becoming a doubtful, vile and apathetic person. He's too precious, too fragile, too gentle to go through such pain. And I just can't imagine, God forbid, to see him lose all those love in his heart.

At this state, making a choice is just not the option, but to stand for my brother is. I couldn't do anything to erase it in his memory, if there's only a way to do it, I'd give my life for it. It's not the kind of memory that I'd like him to have with him for the rest of his life. It's a memory not even worth calling memory, it was a bad dream, a nightmare. I could not make him forget it, but it's worth a try to distract him of it even just for tonight, just before he sleeps. I don't know if I did it right, but maybe his laughters were a little assurance that he had it off of his system. But what about tomorrow? What about the day after tomorrow and the day after it? Tonight has changed the course of the coming days. I don't even know if I'd still want to see them, or I'd still want to go out of my room. All I know is I can't look at them straight in their eyes, and see the people who raised me.

If I could only run away, I would, but it will ruin the whole picture. One character less will affect "OUR"d little show of an impeccable happy family. And not like in the movies, we might not have our happy ending.