Young, and not in a hurry

Unprecedented. All those times, I thought I was ready to commit to a relationship or to settle with someone as my sole company, without my eyes set on other men. I thought it was what I wanted. I thought it was what I needed. Egocentric, self-centered and selfish as I am, I thought I needed a man who will shower me with attention and devote everything to me, then it will settle every woes and blues I have tried to endure for the longest time. But it was a misconception of need. It was a need I have created for myself, thinking that if I get one, it'll answer everything I've wondered about what it's like to have a serious and steady relationship. Seeing couples has relentlessly envied me. A tinge of jealousy is always ignited in my body, questioning what's wrong with me, what's missing. The answer has been lingering in me, sadly, without me noticing it. All those unnecessary jealousy ate me little by little paving the way into a trial and error situation without the intention of hurting other people but only to find answers.

Going out with people and trying the possibilities of a steady relationship led me to the answer. I don't need a relationship to complete me and for me to say that I'm happy. It was not what I needed after all. I'm contented with a friendly and open relationship. I know in myself that it's difficult to cope with expectations and responsibilities that a relationship entails whether I like it or not. It's like a bonus that doesn't feel like a bonus. It goes with the purchase whether you asked for it or didn't. So, I have to fix this mess, and detangle all the strings that trapped twisted. I've dragged innocent people with the best intentions into this, and I know I owe them answers. I can't keep them waiting and make them hating me.

Finding answers may lead you to more innumerable questions, so if you're risky enough then brave the consequences or you can stay safe and sheltered without knowing the possibilities that may have been waiting for you.

I'm young, and definitely not in a hurry. :)