nadine jensen

Dear  Self,

            You are beautiful, strong, intelligent and talented. Many people told you that, though they may have sounded too overwhelming and flustering and sometimes incredible for you to believe, but they are right. You are those things and more but you have forgotten.

            You have loved that you have chosen to suffer all the pain instead for others. All this time, you have kept everything to yourself, all of your pains, insecurities and weariness because you are afraid to be seen and perceived as weak. These things have eaten up the good things in you, they have worn you down. You have loved so much that you have forgotten to love yourself.

            It is not wrong to search for love, for acceptance, for security from others. You’ve searched hard enough that you have lost all your strength and you have missed out on the things that were there, sources of genuine, unconditional love. You have ignored things that truly matter like family, friends and God. You have been absorbed to the worldly belief and selfish intuition that the love you’re looking for is from someone else. You’ve had more than what you needed, but you’re so stubborn and discontented that you kept looking for more.

            Look at you now, you have lost the love you thought was your happiness, and you have distanced yourself from those who truly love you. You are all alone, by yourself, no one to turn to. You are embarrassed, for you have become ungrateful and disobedient that’s why you cannot turn to people you have hurt. You’ve hurt them so bad. You are now afraid that the little love they have for you will dissipate because of one more mistake you are about to commit. You cannot disappoint them anymore.

            Don’t worry, you still have yourself, though left in jagged pieces, fragile and afraid. It will take time before you heal, before you regain you gift to trust, to love. Do not haste. Take your time in healing. It will be hard, it will be painful, and it will leave you scars, but you have no choice. Do not forget to hold yourself up, pull yourself together. You were once strong; there is still that strength inside you. 

            You still have your dreams, hold on to them, they will guide you and help you in your process of healing. They will motivate you to do better and correct your mistakes. They will be your light, to guide you to the right path.

            In time, when you remember the good things that once put your life in golden moments, and the bad things that have lead into this, do not regret. Those memories are your treasures; someday they will make a good story.

            Though you have forgotten, He has not. He has always loved you. He was there all the time reaching out to you, stretching out his arms, but you were off to some place then, chasing after things that have fled you now. It’s time you reach out to Him.

Someday, when everything is done, you must not forget this: forgive. Books and wise men said that forgiveness only happens when you begin with yourself. Forgive your self. You were not that bad. You made mistakes, that’s universal. Nobody has been exempted from this human ordeal. Forgive yourself. When you have forgiven yourself, forgive them. It will be hard. Nobody said forgiving is easy.

            There are a lot that you have to do. But in time everything will be done.