Dear Self,
You are
beautiful, strong, intelligent and talented. Many people told you that, though
they may have sounded too overwhelming and flustering and sometimes incredible
for you to believe, but they are right. You are those things and more but you
have forgotten.
You have
loved that you have chosen to suffer all the pain instead for others. All this
time, you have kept everything to yourself, all of your pains, insecurities and
weariness because you are afraid to be seen and perceived as weak. These things
have eaten up the good things in you, they have worn you down. You have loved
so much that you have forgotten to love yourself.
It is not
wrong to search for love, for acceptance, for security from others. You’ve
searched hard enough that you have lost all your strength and you have missed
out on the things that were there, sources of genuine, unconditional love. You
have ignored things that truly matter like family, friends and God. You have
been absorbed to the worldly belief and selfish intuition that the love you’re
looking for is from someone else. You’ve had more than what you needed, but
you’re so stubborn and discontented that you kept looking for more.
Look at you
now, you have lost the love you thought was your happiness, and you have
distanced yourself from those who truly love you. You are all alone, by
yourself, no one to turn to. You are embarrassed, for you have become
ungrateful and disobedient that’s why you cannot turn to people you have hurt.
You’ve hurt them so bad. You are now afraid that the little love they have for
you will dissipate because of one more mistake you are about to commit. You
cannot disappoint them anymore.
Don’t
worry, you still have yourself, though left in jagged pieces, fragile and
afraid. It will take time before you heal, before you regain you gift to trust,
to love. Do not haste. Take your time in healing. It will be hard, it will be
painful, and it will leave you scars, but you have no choice. Do not forget to
hold yourself up, pull yourself together. You were once strong; there is still
that strength inside you.
You still
have your dreams, hold on to them, they will guide you and help you in your
process of healing. They will motivate you to do better and correct your
mistakes. They will be your light, to guide you to the right path.
In time,
when you remember the good things that once put your life in golden moments,
and the bad things that have lead into this, do not regret. Those memories are
your treasures; someday they will make a good story.
Though you
have forgotten, He has not. He has always loved you. He was there all the time
reaching out to you, stretching out his arms, but you were off to some place
then, chasing after things that have fled you now. It’s time you reach out to
Him.
Someday, when everything is done, you must not forget this:
forgive. Books and wise men said that forgiveness only happens when you begin
with yourself. Forgive your self. You were not that bad. You made mistakes,
that’s universal. Nobody has been exempted from this human ordeal. Forgive
yourself. When you have forgiven yourself, forgive them. It will be hard.
Nobody said forgiving is easy.
There are a
lot that you have to do. But in time everything will be done.